Inside versus Out
So much on the inside is cleaned and organized and the outer suffers. I awoke this morning to a “real mess” in my home – dishes left in the sink, boxes waiting to be broken down and trashed out, paper accumulating on the dining room table, the outcasts of my children’s room cleaning sitting proudly in the hallway.
So many of my drawers and closets are cleaned and the outer part looks a wreck.
So goes the cleaning out of MP. So many of my internal beliefs, paradigms and patterns are being reorganized and de-cluttered. The outer me – who and what I “am” in the world – is a little messy and cluttered right now. I am aware of this emerging pattern of “lack”. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for this time and the financial ease that I am enjoying right now. The Lack (yes, with a capital L) has to do with seeing the blurry future and focusing, instead, on the dark chasm of the unknown and doubt and that which is still unclear. The Lack is a seemingly unending chasm where all the fear monsters live.
The image I want to hold…is that I am moving towards that distant side. It’s blurry because I don’t have my glasses on yet. And each time I step out into the darkness, a sturdy stone step appears. One by one, the steps pop up out of the darkness to support me. Eventually the other side will become clear.
Oh and by the way, there is still one big, hairy and ugly closet in my home that has not yet been tackled. It’s the ugliest closet of all. I wonder if this is symbolic of this war in me between fear and faith. The closet and the chasm – trash or treasure?
